Weekend Recap

Rich & Kris just left for home. They got here late Saturday. We all had a great time.

We did some shopping, ran some errands, went out to eat a few times, and went to the zoo on Sunday. It was very hot at the zoo, but we did our best to stay hydrated with the frozen gatorade juice boxes we brought with us, the water we bought, etc. It was supposed to rain on Monday tho, at least according to the forcast on Sunday, so we were better off going to the zoo on Sunday than Monday.

The only thing I didn't like about going to the zoo on Sunday was that we didn't go to church cuz of it. Mostly cuz our church's service is from 11-12:30, so, between that and lunch, we prolly wouldn't have gotten to the zoo till around 2. It closes at 5, and we weren't sure if 3 hours would be enough. So, instead, we skipped church and got to the zoo around 11:30.

I would have rather gone to church, but it seemed to me that I was the only one of the 4 of us who felt anywhere-close-to strongly about that, and I didn't want all the others going to church just for me, so we didn't. I didn't really see or think of it as caving or "compromising", more as being flexible and hospitable. I still would have rather gone, but at what point is insisting on(or being difficult/inflexible about) such things being selfish???

Of course, this gets into the whole subject of how "hospitable" one should be when one has houseguests(and if it matters whether or not the guests are family or "just" friends.). Rich & Kris have been to our church with us before, they know we go regularly, they don't mind going, and Rich has also had some very positive discussions with our pastor. So, going - in and of itself - was not and wouldn't have been the issue. It was more the timing/logistics question.

But I've already been wondering how "hospitable" one's supposed to be to/with houseguests, especially when they stay longer than a day or 3. Like, is it "ok" to have a baseball game on the TV if it's muted and you're just occasionally glancing at the "fox box" while you chat or do whatever everyone else is doing, just like you'd be doing if the game/TV weren't on? Is it "ok" to sometimes be in the other room on the puter while they're chatting(especially if they're your in-laws, and you want to give your spouse time alone with them)? That sort of thing.

And, perhaps the biggie; is it "ok" if you DON'T want to offer them your bed while you sleep on the air mattress? That hasn't come up for awhile, but Katrina often wanted to(and prolly still does, at least sometimes). But that would _really_ bother me, so we haven't.

I don't even really know _why_ it would bug me, I only know that it would, and more than just a little bit too. I don't understand it and can't explain it tho, so of course Katrina doesn't understand it either. She prolly thinks it's silly and it's prolly a good thing that it hasn't come up(as a suggestion or a possibility) for quite awhile now.

But we had a very enjoyable visit. There weren't even any snags, minor or major.

Both of them agree with me/us about Wanda's excessive phone calls. I don't think any of us could believe how often she called here this weekend. Maybe cheap long distance isn't always such a good thing? She and Gary have shown up at Rich & Kris's unannounced _often_, so, for them, the phone calls are the least of it!

Things are also continuing to improve, slowly but steadily, with Katrina & I in terms of communication skills and overall treatment of one another. This goes both ways; we both have our issues(mostly from our pasts and families of origin) when it comes to communication and "inter-personal dynamics", and we also each have our own faults and "blind spots" where our treatment of one another's concerned.

I actually _read_ the Bible I bought last Friday some on Friday evening. I read the entire Book of Romans, and "even" underlined some stuff and wrote some cross-references in the margins. I haven't read anything since, partly(tho not entirely) cuz of our visitors, but I'm still encouraged.

God's doing a lot in my life recently. It's really neat and encouraging to know/realize that He's doing just as much all the time; it's NOT that He's doing more recently, it's that I'm more able(or willing) to be aware of(more of) what He's doing!

Of course, I don't just want to be aware of it, I want to _respond_ to it. So, I think I'm gonna start some type of Prayer & Bible-reading Journal of sorts, even if it's just a list of various thoughts and/or things I think He's showing me or that I need to work on or think about more.

Is It Me, Or Is It "Them"?

I have my blogger dashboard page "bookmarked" in my favorites. But everytime I go there, it makes me sign in.

Which is ok. But, along with the space for my name and password, there's a little box I can check that's marked "Remember Me".

The first several times I signed in, I checked that box. But it NEVER remembered me. So, it's reached the point where I don't even check it when I sign in now. What's the point, if it's not gonna "work" anyway?

I've been having a LOT of problems with my computer lately. So, the "problem" with the "Remember Me" feature could be on my end. But it could also be on their end. And, of course, it could also be a combination of both. I wonder which it is.

I doubt I ever find out. I also doubt the "Remember Me" feature ever works.

How Much Difference, If Any, Will It Make(& For How Long)?

For quite awhile now, I've been wanting to buy myself a new Bible. It's taken me awhile to get it tho, cuz I've been rather particular and/or specific about exactly what kind of Bible I want, or don't want.

I've been looking for one that's either NKJV or NASB/V. One that's not a Study Bible, Chain-Reference Bible, or any other type of "accessorized" or "embellished" Bible. I wanted a reasonably-priced one, which pretty much meant I didn't want a leather cover, but I wanted it to be hardcover. I wanted readable-sized yet not LARGE type, and I didn't want flimsy or gold-edged pages. I also did NOT want "Words of Christ in red".

That's a tougher order to fill/find than I'd expect or want it to be(sounds vaguely similar to our steeplechase). I've checked various Christian bookstores, Christian websites(CBD, IBS, etc.), & even a few church book stores & tables, only to come away empty everytime. Till today.

Today, I finally went over to Baltimore Pike and FOUND the new Christian book store over there; Vine Christian Store. I got a hardcover NKJV Bible for $12.99.

I also got 2 Christian books. They both sound interesting, but I'd've only gotten one of them(for now) except that I needed to get both of them to get my total >$25, so that I could use the $5 off coupon they had in their store catalogue.

So, now, it'll be interesting to see if having a Bible in a version I like that's not falling apart or coverless results in my reading the Bible any more(often) than I do now. Of course, it almost couldn't result in my reading It any less, but that's not the point.

I want to read both of those books, and I also want to read The Screwtape Letters. I have The Screwtape Letters and one other book by C.S. Lewis, so maybe I'll read both of them. We'll have to see what happens.

I also want to go thru all the bookshelves in Becky's room and our bedroom and organize them. Get all the similar-genre books together, throw some out, donate some to the church library, suggest some to Kat, etc.

Kat's sister, Kristynne, and her husband, Rich, are coming to visit us this weekend. I think we're going to the Philly zoo, and we'll prolly go out to eat a few times too. They've got one of those zoo association membership cards that'll get us all in free, so that's a very affordable option among all the various things we could do. Plus Kat & I haven't been to the Philly zoo since we did a Diabetes Foundation walkathon there about 5 years ago, so it'll be a lot of fun. I don't know if we've got enough money to get T-shirts there, but I'm sure we'll still have fun either way.

"Angels (Un)aware" In Reverse?

"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it." Heb. 13:2.

I just got home from a very unusual & encouraging, "spiritual" experience.

Becky & Matt(the kid I'm watching most weekdays this Summer) & I just went to BJs. We walked to Mac Dade Mall from here, then caught the 122 bus from there to BJs, and did the reverse on the way back. Naturally, before we left, I changed Becky's diaper and fed her as much as she wanted. So, I thought I'd forseen and was prepared for any and every possible "unexpected" circumstance. Nope.

While @BJ's, I found the best box I could(to bring everything home in), then it became a matter of what I could fit in that box(out of what we'd already put in the cart, off our list), since that's how I'd be getting whatever I carried home home. Matt said he could manage the diapers and the bread, so that didn't have to be in the box to get it home, but we ended up putting the popcorn back on the shelf cuz we just couldn't get EVerything else we wanted to buy in "my" box.

But once we returned the popcorn, everything else was manageable. We had enough time before the 2nd bus returned to get lunch at the Pizza Hut there @BJs, before getting on the bus back to Mac Dade Mall.

Needless to say, getting on and off the bus with all our BJs stuff was a LOT more complicated than getting on and off the bus without it had been on the way there. But we managed; after 8 years of full-time "Septahood" and almost 2 years of full-time parenthood, I've worked out how most "Septa (with kids) stuff" works best.

When we got back to the Mall, we were in the process of getting off the bus when we noticed the ONE contingency I hadn't thought about or planned for(if I even could have?); Rebekah had fallen asleep on the 122 bus between BJ's & the mall! It wasn't much trouble getting her off the bus, but we were then immediately confronted with how to get her - and all our BJ's stuff - home; we'd planned on her walking back with us(on her own; without either of us carrying her), and that OBviously was NOT going to happen.

As it happens, I'd struck up a conversation with a woman on the bus on our way from BJs to the Mall. She was also getting off the bus at the Mall, so she was right behind me as I carried Becky off the bus.

She asked us how we were gonna get it all home since Becky was asleep, and I wasn't really sure. We could take the 113 bus from the Mall to our apartment, but I hadn't bought Matt a transfer on the 122, nor had I brought a 3rd token for him with me, and I didn't really want to pay $2 for his bus fare for one traffic light's distance(4-6 blocks?) on the 113.

I was about to ask the 122 driver if he'd still sell me a transfer(which are only supposed to be sold at the time of fare payment; on your way ON the bus) when the woman I'd been talking to on the bus, volunteered to carry my box of BJs stuff to our apt with/for us! This was totally unexpected and caught me completely off-guard. But, after making SURE that she REALLY didn't mind, I agreed to this.

WOW, did she EVER do me a BIG favor and come in MAJORLY handy! I'm still not 100% sure what we would have done if she hadn't made this offer, especially if the 122 driver had been unwilling to sell me a transfer for Matt.

On our way here, I asked her if she wanted a soda when we got here, but she declined. I repeated the offer when we got here, and she declined again. She said she had 4 grown kids about my age, so "I sympathize with you". I guess she felt as though she were doing it for one of them "by proxy" somehow? I don't know. I also learned on our way here that her name's Laura.

As we were nearing our apt., I casually mentioned that we go to church right across the street as I pointed to the church's sign, and she said she'd been checking out area churches and had been meaning to check "that one" out, she just hadn't gotten to it yet. I told her we've been going there for about 2 years, we really like it, and we just joined 2 weeks ago. So, when we parted company, she said "Maybe I'll see you at church sometime?" That'd be really neat!

Now, I know that the Scripture I quoted above and referenced in the title of this mentions folks showing hospitality to angels without realizing it. But SHE was definitely the "angel" in this story, even tho SHE's the one who showed the hospitality, not me/us. So, that's why I say that it seemed like "angels (un)aware" in reverse. Cuz she was DEFinitely God's way of looking out for me/us in this situation & circumstance!

Same Ole, Same Ole?

I've been having difficulty thinking of stuff to put in entries here lately. Stuff happens or I think of stuff to write, but I question whether it's "blog-worthy", or it doesn't seem that it is, or it seems more like a sermon/lecture, or it seems like something next to nobody else would want to read about, etc.

I forget if I mentioned this here before or not, but Katrina & I signed up with one of those debt management/counselling services about 3 months ago. We're really glad we did and we wish we'd done so sooner! No beating ourselves up for that tho, we're just glad we DID IT!

I'd recommend it to anyone who's even remotely close to "in over their heads" debtwise, and especially if you've ever considered bankruptcy. We'll be out of debt(or at least done with the ones we're using the program/company for) in about 3.5 years, and that sure beats having a bankruptcy on our credit rating for twice that time, let alone taking a LOT longer than that to pay it off on our own and paying a LOT more interest in the process. They estimated that our total payments to(pay off) the debts we're using them for will only be about 1/3 of what they'd be on our own, and that would take a LOT longer too!:)

We joined our church the Sunday before last. Pastor Randy's on vacation for 2 weeks while he and his family take their oldest son, Forest, to college in Wisconsin. It's Forest's freshman year(is "freshman" supposed to be capitalized?), so it's his first time away from home for longer than a few weeks at Summer camp, if that/then.

I almost can't imagine being THAT far away from home when it's your first long-term time away. Then again, my folks figured my first year at college was a lot easier on me than they expected it to be, based on the fact that I wasn't calling home as often as they thought I would. Little did they know it was hell on earth and one of the(if not THE) worst and hardest times in my life - I just knew better than to call THEM looking for support or encouragement.

So, maybe being that far away wouldn't have mattered much for me, I dunno. But Forest's family situation is much different and far more healthier than mine was, so I'm sure it'll be difficult for him.

So, we had a guest preacher on Sunday. It wasn't Pastor Trout, it was a guy I've never met or heard preach before. He was excellent tho! He was as good as Randy, and he preached longer too - which I like, as long as it's merited by the quality of the message, and it definitely was in this case.

The unusual thing here is that he's not a full-time pastor elsewhere; he has a "secular" job during the week. So does Randy, but I didn't get the impression that this guy's a pastor elsewhere "usually". And I know that message took a LOT of time to put together, which makes it all the more impressive. Sure, I know; he prolly had it ready a long time ago, just for situations like this, and maybe preached it other place(s) before last Sunday at our church. But it was still a very encouragingly convicting exhortation and a solidly Biblical message.

Rebekah's "15 Minutes of Fame", Installment 1

Background:

My parent's live in Middlesex County, N.J.. They've lived in the house they live in now since September '69; nearly 35 years(and 3 area codes, lol)! When they moved into that house, I was 6 and just days away from starting the 1st grade.

As it happens, they live in East Brunswick, the town where the Middlesex County Fair is held each year, during the first week of August. East Brunswick is a big township, but they live within a long-but-doable walking distance(30 minutes?) from the Fairgrounds.

And this is a very good thing, cuz my mom was the co-chariman of the Home Arts Department of the Fair for most of my growing up years. "Back in the day" when the fair's exhibits were mostly in tents, this meant numerous EARLY-morning trips over to the fairgrounds many days of that week each year to poke water out of tent "bellys" to keep it from leaking(or flooding) into the tent and onto the exhibits(a very "in-tents" experience, lol).

But it also meant that she was over there every day of fair week and not just during fair hours either. Being a young-ish kid, I(and my brother) got dragged along with her. In other words, we basically grew up at the fair.

So, I very much wanted to take Rebekah to this fair, at least once. And, since my folks are pro-actively looking at various assisted/senior-living facilities in order to pick one to move into(Dad's 81, Mom's 74), this year might very well have been our last chance to get her there.

Fortunately, she's just the right age to really enjoy and appreciate all the animals. And she's also the right age to enjoy all the cute kiddie rides with the sickeningly high-pitched, maddeningly repetitive horns and other noises on them too.

But, even more fortunately, we GOT HER THERE this year! And, perhaps most fortunately of all, it DIDN'T RAIN while we were there, since it almost ALWAYS rains for ALL of fair week.

So, we got her there. She LUVED the animals(tho she called them all either cat(s) or duck(s), no matter what they were, lol), and she also enjoyed the 2(or was it 3?) rides we went on with her.

We even got my mom on the merry-go-round with her/us. If you know my mom, you understand how rare and special that is. Too bad nobody was on the ground to get a picture of that!

But, speaking of pictures, shortly after my mom bought us each ice cream cones(isn't it wonderful to have grandparents to pay for some of the experiences you want to give your kid but can't really afford yet?), I got approached by a guy who was taking fair pix for the Sentinel; a local weekly paper up there(which, as it happens, I delivered for a few years during HS). He took several pix of Rebekah eating my ice cream cone as I held her in my arms(and I'm NOT looking forward to the day when she's too heavy to do that too either!).

Of course, he didn't know which - if any - of the pix he took of us might or would end up in the paper. But he said we could write or e-mail him for copies of all of them IF one(or more) of them got in the paper.

Well, guess what? One DID!

http://ebs.gmnews.com/News/2004/0805/Front_Page/002.html

I don't think it's the best pic of either of us, but it's ok. And, even tho I like the picture I had of Rebekah & I at the last Phils game at the Vet a lot more than this one, I switched the pic on my yahoo profile from that pic(Phils) to this one(Fair) cuz Becky's changed SO MUCH since last September!

Anyway, I just wanted to share that pic with all of you. Cuz a lot of you don't know me or know what I look like, and even many who know me have never met Becky, so they don't know what she looks like(or what she looks like NOW) either.

My Latest Food Shopping Trip(,etc.)

What would you expect to pay for the following:

2 12-packs of soda("pop" to some of you, lol).
1 gallon whole milk.
1 gallon skim milk.
1 carton of sour cream.
1 box of cream cheese.
1 bag of generic corn chips(something like tostitos).
1 bag of generic corn chips(something like fritos).
1 quart bottle of Gatorade(yes, the name brand).

What would you expect the total cost, including tax, to be?

How does $14.33 sound? Sounds GREAT to me!

And that's why we do the VAST majority of our food shopping @Aldis. We LUV that place!

We do most of the food shopping that we don't do @Aldis @BJ's. In fact, other than some produce, the occasional ice cream/fro-yo purchase, and/or the RARE great soda sale, we do ALL of the food shopping we don't do @Aldi's @BJ's. And most of the above-mentioned stuff(produce, ice cream, soda on great sale) we get @Path Mark.

AND we actually MADE MONEY on our BJ's membership this year. And I'm not talking about the $ we've saved there either, this is different; in addition to that. Here's how we MADE MONEY on our BJ's membership:

The basic BJ's membership costs $40(around here. I've heard $35 elsewhere in the country). The "Premiere(or whatever they call it)" membership costs $75. BUT one of the differences is that Premiere members get a BJ's voucher/check for 2% of whatever they spend @BJ's back at the end of the year!

Our membership expires/renews each August. So, around this time last year, we decided to try the Premiere membership, reasoning that as long as the voucher/check we got at the end of the year was $35(the difference in cost of the 2 memberships) or more, we'd be even, if not ahead of the game. Since we buy almost all of our diapers, baby wipes, and(at that time) formula @BJ's, we figured we had a pretty good shot at at least breaking even.

Well, the year's not quite up yet; we've got 1 more BJ's trip to make b4 our membership renews and they calculate what our check should be. Each time we shop, they put what our rewards are, so far - MINUS the trip we just made(as of yesterday's date) - on our receipt. We were in a BJ's last Sunday, and it said $76!

Iow, we're WELL AHEAD of the game here, and we'll get a BJ's voucher/check for somewhere between $76-$80 in the mail this Fall. Which means our next year's membership is, essentially, FREE! :)

Now, I realize; I'm a GUY, and guy's aren't supposed to like/enjoy shopping. Especially something as mundane(or as stereotypically female) as food shopping. But I actually like(and/or don't mind) going to Aldis and I actually ENJOY going to BJ's. And NOT just cuz of the Pizza Hut/food court they have their either! ;)

In other news, the Wiggles are making their first appearance and doing their first 4 shows ever in Philly later this month. I got the advance e-mail about it and would LUV to have taken Rebekah to see it/them, cuz she REALLY LIKES the Wiggles - BUT the cheapest ticket(iow, the nose-bleed seat price) was $17.50 - with NO kids ticket discount!

~$60 for 3 tix? Before and NOT counting food and souvenirs? I don't think so. I'd sooner buy Rebekah 3-5 Wiggles DVDs. She'd have them longer and be a LOT closer to them when she saw the DVDs than she would be from the nosebleed seats @the Spectrum.

Well, there was an article about the Wiggles in Sunday's Stinquirer. Not only are they selling out all over the country but they had to "add seats" to the Spectrum shows, "which are now sold out to the rafters".

I've been in the Spectrum often enough to know what that means; they "had to" sell the 3rd level seats. Those aren't usually sold for most events - and for good reason too; you're so far from the stage/ice/action that if you go to the restroom, you have to go again by the time you get back to your seat!

I went to ONE Phantoms(AHL; minor league hockey) game a few years ago that was sold to the point where we ended up in the 3rd level seats. And I vowed: NEVER AGAIN, not even for a playoff game!

Sure, I'd make that "concession" for Rebekah. Any day, and in a heartbeat too.

BUT why do I think I KNOW that those 3rd level seats were still $17.50 EACH, and STILL with NO kids ticket discount? THAT I WOULDN'T DO!

Maybe if our "economic realities" were different. In fact, not maybe, yes. But they aren't different. So, no.

(If you're reading this and have no idea who the Wiggles are or "What's a 'Wiggle'?", ask any parent of a pre-schooler. Or, if the pre-schooler in question's older than 2, ask them. :) )

Mostly Cuz It's Been So Long Since The Last One

As you can probably tell from the title of this(and at least one prior) entry, I often have trouble coming up with titles for my blog entries. I just don't know what to call them. I'd have to say that that's at least as hard as thinking of stuff to write(or deciding what to write and what NOT to write), maybe even harder.

Yesterday was a really blah day. There were(and still are) plenty of things I really need to do, or at least start, and I even had the desire to do them. I just didn't have the energy! I really didn't feel like doing much of anything. Even watching TV seemed excessive at times.

Fortunately, I wasn't really in all that bad of a mood. I say this cuz feeling blah can often include(or provoke) me being in a lousy, short-tempered, anti-social(ish) mood, but that didn't happen yesterday. I'm glad for that. And I'm sure Kat is too

Speaking of Kat, she picked up on the fact that I was out of it relatively soon after she got home from work and was very helpful and supportive about it. This might sound obvious or something like a given, but she's often not aware of things like this, or if/when she is, she's not always so supportive or helpful with/about it. But she was this time, and she's been getting better about this, so I wanted to be sure to give her "props" here. She doesn't read this/these(yet) tho, so I'll also try to remember to thank her for it today.

Today is going better, even tho there's no particular reason that it should or has to. I'm still kinda out of it, but not as bad, and in a better mood.

Kat's parents visited us this weekend. They arrived Friday night and were here thru Monday morning. We had a lot of fun and went a lot of places and they got to see Rebekah a lot and in a lot of moods, situations, etc.

Rebekah is, of course, the main reason they visit when they do, and especially the main(if not the only) reason they visit as often as they now do. I'm glad I got to watch my parents with Jennifer, their first grandchild, when she was first born and immediately afterwards, cuz - without realizing it at the time, of course - it prepared me for and clued me into what to expect from Kat's parents, since Rebekah's their first grandchild.

Kat's parents drive me crazy tho! And, from what Kat's said to me since they left(and at other times too), I'm NOT alone here.

They argue about just about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING! They remind me/us of the Costanzas on "Seinfeld". They'll dispute with one another about the stupidest, most trivial things, and they DON'T stop or let go of anything either.

I've heard them conflict over what time it is(by a minute's difference) whether a particular door is locked or not, literally ANYTHING! I even said to Kat once, a long time ago: "Was the last time your parents agreed on something 'I do'?". It's THAT bad and THAT continuous.

But they're still her folks, so we deal with it. I just know that while we want to always live nearby, we'd NEVER want to be as close to them(geographically) as Kris & Rich are. I couldn't deal with that, and - from what Kat says - I don't think she could either.

They make me all the more thankful for my parents in many ways, and I'm sure that's a good thing. My parents get along great, even if I think my mom pays too high a price for that occasionally. My parents are also growing old(er) GRACEFULLY which is a concept that's completely FOREIGN to Kat's mom, and the jury's still out on her dad on that.

In Other News(as Luke's fame spreads even further, lol), Katrina got baptised on Sunday and we both joined our church. I don't think baptism's a prerequisite to joining/membership there, it just worked out that way.

Katrina was origionally gonna get baptised after the church's "block party" yard sale on Saturday. But it got postponed 2 weeks cuz of the bad weather we had, so they did the baptism on Sunday instead.

Katrina had help calling folks EARLY Saturday morning to let them know about the postponement. But, of course, some folks had already left to come set up by the time the calls were made, so we had to go over to church and let them know about the change.

One lady even asked me "Do you think the Pastor would mind if we set up anyway?". It's a good thing I didn't think about that question much at the time she asked it; I just replied that yes, he would mind, cuz "we don't want to be responsible for anything that happens at the church when we're not there(never mind the fact that I doubt that ONE table set up, in a space for 60, is gonna get much if any business)".

But that question really stuck with me, even after I answered it and the lady who asked it was gone. I thought about it while I was changing the church's sign by the road, to let everyone else know about the postponement.

It seemed like such a stupid question! Of course the Pastor would mind if she set up anyway!

But I also realized that that's not all of why it stuck with me. It also stuck with me cuz it indicated impatience/immaturity. This lady did NOT like the fact that the yard sale had been postponed, she did NOT want to accept the fact that she couldn't stay there and sell/get-rid-of her stuff that day, and she was trying EVERYTHING to AVOID accepting that fact too.

It was one of those "What part of NO did you not understand?" moments. She was behaving something like a grade-schooler; how can I still get what I want in spite of this unfortunate obstacle/road-block(ie me, and/or reality - the weather and the fact that the weather had changed her plans in an inconvenient way)?

I really don't mean to pick on this lady as much as it prolly sounds like I have or am or want to. The real reason all of this stuck with me(and the reason I mention it all here) is that God was showing me the immaturity of this lady's question as a way to cause me to ask myself how often _I'm_ like this. Yes, with Him, but with others as well.

It's not that I'm this way a lot or have a major problem with this type of thing. But I AM still like this sometimes, and more ften than I should be too.

It also helps to ask myself how to handle it when others are like this. I think I did ok when this lady asked her question, but I want to be sure that I can and do handle it "ok" when folks are being this way - AND I'm aware right then and there that they're being so.

Especially when it comes to Rebekah and other kids. Cuz they'll be this way very often and very naturally too; they ARE "grade-schoolers" or younger, after all.

Peace & Perspective Needed

Like the title says, I really need some peace and perspective right now. Things have been going a lot better in my life and marriage lately, but today was a really lousy day all around, topped off by a small-scale conflict with Katrina(somewhat concerning Rebekah) and - at first, in the "heat of the moment" - that seemed to negate and/or undo all the progress and change I'd sensed or noticed recently.

But I can already sense the peace coming and I already know that my perspective's beginning to change. Cuz I now know that none of that progress or change is negated and I now also have a much better, more positive, more peaceful, less agitated, less irrational attitude about most if not all of it. I need more change and more of a(complete) perspective change, but I believe that'll come, in time.

I know that when changes are made and progress starts, satan's attacks intensify. Katrina & I even talked about that some tonight, tho more in the context of why my day was and went so lousy and/or in the context of our church(cuz we think we see/sense satanic attack in specific areas there too).

Well, I know that that's true when postitive changes are initiated in a marriage/family as well. And I know that that's part of what's going on here. So I need to be sure that my efforts aid the GOOD side of this fight and NOT the bad!

I really need to start doing some of the things I want/need to do around here, and at least starting on or taking action on some of the bigger projects too. I could make a very long list of things I want to start doing or changing around here if I wanted to make a list, but I think I already know what most of those things are, so I think I'd better start DOING some of them rather than just LISTING any or all of them. Not only do lists not help any of the projects start, but seeing all the items on a list can also be at least somewhat overwhelming sometimes.

I really want to have more productive days. I've been thinking about how much smoother things'd go around here if Kat got one thing done after work each day(besides dinner-related stuff), well, how about I apply that concept to ME?

I really need to get into some sort of routine. Get up and go to bed at more or less the same time every day eat at regular times, take my meds DAILY, etc.

If you're reading this, please pray for me(personally), Katrina, and our marriage/family. Pray that we'll have more perspective, peace, humility, discernment, and patience than we usually do.

I called Pastor Randy tonight, and I have an appointment to talk with him tomorrow at 7:30. He offered to meet with both of us, but I really think it'd be best if he meets with just me, at least at first.

I think I need some in-person input on a new perspective or "angle". I think I need to view a few things differently, approach some stuff differently, etc. Even tho I'm not making lists like I so often do, I know I'm stuck in "the paralysis of analysis" at least somewhat here.

Whatever I Think Of To Write

I keep thinking that I "should" be posting entries in this more often. Fact is, I keep thinking that I "should" be doing them daily, even tho I don't know why that matters, especially if I can't really think of anything to write about.

Then again, I've already had at least one entry turn out considerably different than I thought it would or intended it to when I started, so who knows how important it is to have something in mind to say when you start since that's not always how what results ends up? Does that make any sense?

I still haven't tried everything I want to try on, or learned everything I want to learn about, this site. I want to put links down the side of my blog, both to friends' blogs and to cool sites I know about online. I want to fiddle around with other stuff too.

I haven't been feeling well for about a week now. I've got(at least) a cold, plus I think I'm allergic to some stuff that grows up by my parents' house. The combination of the cold and the allergies really had me out of it this past Tuesday, but at least I wasn't out of it on Monday, when we all went to the Fair.

When I'm sick I feel weak and I feel "like a kid" a lot, which is probably common to many folks. But I also seem to get even more introspective when I'm not feeling well than I usually am(which is a lot to begin with), and this sometimes intensifies or magnifies my depression. Either that's what's been going on the past few days, or my anti-depressant drug isn't working like it should. Then again, I didn't take it some days last weekend, since I was running short of it and didn't want to pay for a refill just yet, so I'm sure that didn't help either.

I've been bored a lot lately. Sometimes I think my life's just filler between watching baseball games. I realize that sounds like a very depressing statement, but it's something I've been feeling or thinking about("Is my life really like this?") some lately.

I've been having a lot more desire to pray and/or read the Bible lately. Which I know is a good thing and prolly the result of and answer to prayers by various folks. The problem is that the increased desire to do these things hasn't resulted in my DOING them any yet.

When I think about how simple prayer/praying can be, it sounds really silly to say that you've had more of a desire to do it(more often), but you haven't yet gone ahead and DONE it. I mean, praying is often as simple or easy as thinking. You don't need to have anything with you, you don't need to be any particular place, etc. It's even simpler than Bible reading, cuz you need to have a Bible(or portion thereof) with you to do that.

I wonder why I feel more of a "compulsion" to do a blog entry each day or so than I do to pray or read the Bible as often? I mean, I might not always be able to think about things to blog about, but I _can_ always think of things to pray about. Maybe I should "force" myself to pray and/or read some before my next entry here, just to "make sure" it/they happen? I don't know, but it's something I thought of, so I put it here.

Things are improving marriagewise. Slowly, but surely, and also encouragingly.

Things are also improving churchwise. I'm not sure, but I don't think we'll be going elsewhere. I'm not even sure if we'll be visiting other churches at this time, tho we haven't really talked about any of this stuff for almost 2 weeks.

As for whether we'll put joining our current church "on hold" or not, I don't know that either. I can see where we might not, which I couldn't before, but I still don't know if we will or not. Mostly cuz we haven't talked about any of this recently.

We signed up with one of those debt management companies about 6 weeks ago and I'm really glad we did. Katrina's glad and relieved about it as well. I think we both wish we'd done this sooner, but at least we DID it!

I keep thinking of stuff to write, then thinking "Who'd want to read(about) that?". I wonder if other bloggers have thoughts like that? Is there such a thing as "Bloggers Block"? ;)

I have a friend who's a missionary in India. If you're reading this and you want to or feel lead to, please pray for him, his family, and his ministry. And, while you're at it, please pray for another friend of mine, here in the States, who's pregnant and it's been a very difficult/risky pregnancy so far. And you can also pray for my dad and my relationship with him. We're on good terms and I've no reason to expect that'll change anytime soon, but things are a bit strained at times.

The More Things Change,...

We had an overall enjoyable visit with my parents from last Friday evening thru last night. It was long enough to be relaxing, Mom & Dad each/both got quality time with(and pix of) Rebekah, we got Rebekah to the Middlesex County Fair(at least once, anyway), etc.

But I couldn't help but notice how difficult it got to talk with my dad over the last day - day-and-a-half of the trip. He kept bringing up topics where he knows(or should) that I/we differ from him, and/or he kept making statements that were phrased or said in a tone of voice that suggests/assumes that "We ALL agree here; we ALL KNOW THIS(to be true), right?", when he knows(or should) that we do NOT all agree here!

He KNOWS that both Katrina & I are pro-life; that we both believe and affirm that life begins at conception. Thus we are both ANTI-abortion(tho not necessarilly anti-death-penalty, "strange" that that topic never comes up tho), we're both ANTI-embryonic stem-cell research, etc.

He also KNOWS that Katrina & I are complementarians, and that we've already left one church over this issue(tho there was a 2nd issue there that would have resulted in our departure, sooner or later, God just chose to end that "season" sooner, rather than later) and would leave another one over it if need be. He KNOWS that we're both _conservative_ Christians, who take a skeptical view of most recent Biblical "scholarship(aka "higher" criticism)" the vast majority of which we consider to be ISOgetical, agenda-laden manipulation(aka "Chubby Checker hermeneutics"), rather than honest, open-minded/open-ended, respectful(and respectable) EXEgesis. Yet he still insisted on continually bringing these very issues and topics up, or just making "blanket statements" about them.

And it's not just prior conversations or prior actions by me/us that have me thinking that he should(and, almost certainly, does) know how we feel and where we stand on these or other issues either. One of the FIRST discussions of this past weekend was about the DNC convention and it came out quite clearly during that conversation that both Katrina & I fully intend to vote for Bush in November, even tho we're not entirely pleased with him or some of his actions/priorities and we're more than willing to admit many of his faults, flaws, and shortcomings.

But it didn't just come out THAT we'll be voting for Bush in November, WHY we'll be voting for him also came out, and VERY plainly and explicitly too. By the end of that conversation, ANY passive/silent observer(aka any "fly on the wall") would KNOW that where we stand on embryonic stem-cell research and abortion(if not other issues too, definitely these 2, specifically) differs from where they stand. We were very open about where we stand, about the fact that it differs with their stance, and about the fact that we've been very aware of that difference since at least the '00 election, if not longer.

I distinctly remember Dad saying something that would indicate his becoming aware(from what was being said) that we're anti embryonic stem-cell research. I also remember mom replying to my saying that we're closer to the GOP stance on these issues by saying "Well, we're closer to the Dems/Kerry on them". Which is fine, but it indicates that they KNOW where we stand.

They should also know where _I_ stand(if not Katrina as well) cuz we've NEVER voted for the same Presidential candidate in all the Presidential elections I've been old enough to vote in('84 and since). And every election-night dinner that I was living at "home" for, the subject of how we voted - and why - came up.

They should also know where we stand cuz they once asked us, point blank, "What would you do if you showed up for church at Calvary/Vineyard one Sunday and they had a woman preaching?" To which I replied, "Well, that'd be the last Sunday we attended there then". And to top it off, that's _exactly_ what later happened, and it's _exactly_ how we responded to it too. And they KNOW all about that(our church switch and what was behind it - at least the major/primary issue, anyway).

It was bad enough when, about halfway thru the trip, my mom asked me/us if we'd ever read anything by Elaine Pagels(aka Elaine Pagan). I'm not much of a reader to begin with, but does she HONESTLY think I'd be interested in reading that type of stuff? Does she HONESTLY think I'd waste my time(and/or money) on it? I said that I hadn't read it, AND I said that I've NO intention of doing so either, explaining that from what I know of her, "that type of thing/stuff" isn't of interest to me; isn't my "flavor".

I don't recall what reply, if any, my statement got. It's quite likely they see that as the "close-minded, head-in-the-sand" type approach. Well, if they want to read any of several books I could suggest(or have friends suggest, many of whom have already made suggestions of books I should give my dad or have him read), I'll be more than happy to endure my way thru Pagels' latest "Beyond Belief(an apt title if ever there was one)". But until then, when it comes to the "close-minded, head-in-the-sand, don't confuse me with the facts,..." approach, "Mr Pot, meet Mr Kettle"!

As all of this should make quite evident to any reader of this by now, I'm not quite sure how to respond to this; how to react/reply(if at all?) when Dad starts off on one of these topics, either with one of his blanket statements or one of his baited questions. I'm giving serious consideration to IGNORING it/them/HIM when he does this from now on!

And it's NOT that I want to avoid(much less deny) differences of opinion or areas of "conflict". But I don't want to go looking for, or "majoring on" them either.

I'm more than willing to discuss them. BUT only in a mutually-respectful type of environment. NOT one in which anyone who differs with him is a fool, or - as he once said about Rush Limbaugh - knows the truth(aka agrees with him, in private), but says otherwise for political or financial or prideful gain.

I just don't see the point of discussing any of these issues with him, certainly not beyond the "basics(of the fact that "we differ here")". He's NOT gonna change my mind/position and I'm NOT gonna change his, so what's the point(other than to let him know that I/we "still haven't caught up" or that type of thing/thinking)? Even if neither of us approach it from the perspective of potentially changing(or even modifying or altering) the other's thinking or position on any of these issues, he's gonna get frustrated, and/or discouraged(about me/us), and/or perjorative, etc. So, again, what's the point?

By now, he DEFinitely _knows_ where we stand on ALL of these issues. And he should know that NONE of how/where we stand on any of them's changing anytime soon. So, why not just "assume" that we still feel the way we do and go on to OTHER topics of discussion?

But there's no telling him this. I'm more than sure that he'll continue in this pattern of behavior around me for the rest of his life. It's not as though it's anything new from him; he didn't just start doing this type of thing this week/trip.

I more than know that we'll never see "eye to eye" on these and/or many other issues. And I've more than known that for quite awhile now; I identified with "The Living Years" - and very strongly too - when it first came out('88). And the part of that song that gets cut out for the "short version" is the most on-target part of it, for us, too:

"You say you just don't see it. He says it's perfect sense.
You just can't get agreement, in this present tense.
We all talk a different language, talking in defense."

But, ok, so we'll never agree, we'll never see eye-to-eye. Why make a point of manifesting that as often as possible? Why make an issue of it whenever the chance arises, or whenever you can MAKE an(other) opportunity to do so? We can't discuss it in an environment of mutual respect and I doubt we'd change or even modify either one's position on any of them even if we could, so let's just let it be, let it GO, and move on, right?

Apparently not. And I'm not quite sure how to deal with, handle, or react/reply to it WHEN it happens from now on.

I'm at such a loss here that the thought(of the possibility) of NOT reacting/replying - at ALL; IGNORING these type statements/questions from him is looking/seeming VERY appealing right now! And maaaybe that's the best(or best available) way to handle it. I somehow kinda doubt it, but maybe.

Of course, even if it's not the best way, but it is the best way that I can think of, that still kinda makes it the best then, no? I'm not saying I'm not or won't try(ing) to think of other/better ways, I will. But if that's the best one I've come up with WHEN the next time he does this occurs, it's prolly what I'll do. Cuz, as this tome of a rant of a post evidences, if he notices he's being ignored and asks why, I've got PLENTY of answers/reasons at the ready.

Gee. And to think that I almost changed the title of my blog, to _remove_ the word "rant" from it? ;)

Insomniacal Musings From New Jersey

I've been having trouble sleeping quite often lately. Unfortunately, tonight's no exception, even tho I usually sleep at least as well if not better here, at my parent's house, than I do at home.

I had no trouble falling asleep last night. But when I woke up, around 3:30 AM, I couldn't get back to sleep. I was only remotely even tired. So, I got up. This is the usual pattern recently, tho exactly when I wake up during the night, timewise, varies.

I don't know what, if anything, to make or read into my recent bout of frequent insomnia. It's not every night, but it's not just every once in a LONG while either, so it's hard not to think there's a reason for it and/or something(s) behind it that I should think about, identify, and "resolve" or deal with somehow. Of course, as analytical as I already am by nature, I'd prolly come up with numerous possibilities, yet be completely lost as to which one(s) figure in here.

This trip "home" has gone well so far. I really like it when we're here for more than just a day or two. It's a LOT more relaxing and worthwhile then than it it when we're only here for one overnight before trapsing back to Pa.

I really need to start praying and reading the Bible more often. The "personal spiritual disciplines" have been all-but absent, if not completely absent, from my life for awhile now, far too long.

Yes, it's harder to work them in and find time for them now(with Rebekah) than it was before, but I also can't help but remind myself of what Pastor Lloyd always says; about how one almost always _finds_(or makes) time for their true priorities. Maybe not as much time and/or as often as one might like, but they(the true priorities) still happen, and more often than not too. I definitely think he's right about this, and there's plenty of evidence in my life, present and past, to back him up here as well.

I need to be willing to start small and not expect regular, daily consistency right away, if ever. I don't have to immediately read and/or pray daily, and the reading part might never reach daily. I think I often have perfectionistic standards for myself about things and either thinking or knowing(or experiencing) that I can't(or didn't) reach them often discourages me from even trying to improve or change things in whatever area(of my life) I'm dealing with right then.

I really think this is a recurring theme/cause in many areas of my life. Even tho "perfectionistic couch potato" or "perfectionistic sluggard" sounds like an oxymoron, I'm not sure it always is.

Mom continues to be very positive and complimentary about the "job" we're doing(in) raising Rebekah. That's very nice and much appreciated. Not only cuz how we raise her is THE most important thing in my life right now(at least to me), but also cuz my siblings and I were pretty much raised in a "no news is good news" environment where we didn't get many compliments or much positive reinforcement, so to actually HEAR her SAY her positive impressions is a very nice change as well; what they're about is almost "gravy", even tho they couldn't be about anything more important to me than that.

I know that Mom has some major difficulties with how my sister, Susan, is raising her daughter, Lydia, and I/we have many of those same difficulties. So, when Mom first started giving us positive feedback about the job we're doing raising Rebekah, it was very hard to not see them as comparisons. She'd say something like "You're doing such a good job with her", and I/we could almost see the comma - rather than the period - at the end of that, and hear the unspoken "Unlike the job Susan's doing with Lydia!" ending.

We still "hear" that sometimes, but it's getting better; it's happening much less often. Now, we're much better able to take the compliments "at face value". I guess practice makes perfect?

I know that my own misgivings and "issues" with how I was raised are a major motivating factor for me to do better and keep trying when things get difficult, parentwise, and I think that's a healthy way to respond to and direct those feelings and opinions. I know firsthand what the outcome and price are when parents do certain things(or don't do them, or do them certain ways, etc.), so the fact that that motivates me to be different, even when it's not easy, convenient, or entirely pleasant is, I think, very positive and healthy. For me, as well as for Rebekah. And maybe even for Katrina too, who knows?

I can honestly say that I don't think any other experience or event has changed me more than becoming a parent has. So many things are just so different now! It's almost entirely a positive, constructive change; the things that are different are different in positive, "more mature" ways, but the degree or amount of change(s) is still significant - almost radical.

I remember when I went away to college and so many things about and in my life changed. My physical environment changed, my daily routine and schedule changed, the people I was with and "hung out" with changed, my address and phone # changed, etc. I can remember thinking at that time "This is probably the biggest change I'll ever have in my life other than when I get married". WRONG!

Be(com)ing a parent has taught me so much! And about so many things too! It's also changed how I look at things, how I think about them, how I prioritize them, etc.

Rebekah is such a blessing. I've said so many times that she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and it really is how I feel too.

Katrina and I have both said that and a lot too. Neither one of us gets hurt by the other one saying it; we don't respond with "What about ME(aren't I the best thing that's ever happened to you)?!", we both know EXACTLY what the other is(and isn't) saying.

We also say, tho not as often, how struck we are by the thought of "I(/we) don't deserve her". She's so neat, so beautiful, so interesting. I feel honored to be getting to know her!

Raising Rebekah has also reinforced, confirmed, and validated the fact that I/we made the right decision when Marcie & I placed Christopher/Peter for adoption. Not that I needed any validation there; that's always been THE least second-guessable choice/decision of my entire life(at least outside the spiritual realm), and it probably always will be as well. But it's been confirmed by my parenting experience with Rebekah, "anyway".

I'm not any more tired than I was when I first came downstairs, but I think I'll go try to sleep - or at least rest - again. I didn't get much sleep Friday night and I noticed how "short" or impatient/edgy that made me all day Saturday(and I know others noticed as well), and I really don't want that to happen(at least not as much or as bad) today. So, I'll stop here, at least for now.