Friday, August 06, 2004

Whatever I Think Of To Write

I keep thinking that I "should" be posting entries in this more often. Fact is, I keep thinking that I "should" be doing them daily, even tho I don't know why that matters, especially if I can't really think of anything to write about.

Then again, I've already had at least one entry turn out considerably different than I thought it would or intended it to when I started, so who knows how important it is to have something in mind to say when you start since that's not always how what results ends up? Does that make any sense?

I still haven't tried everything I want to try on, or learned everything I want to learn about, this site. I want to put links down the side of my blog, both to friends' blogs and to cool sites I know about online. I want to fiddle around with other stuff too.

I haven't been feeling well for about a week now. I've got(at least) a cold, plus I think I'm allergic to some stuff that grows up by my parents' house. The combination of the cold and the allergies really had me out of it this past Tuesday, but at least I wasn't out of it on Monday, when we all went to the Fair.

When I'm sick I feel weak and I feel "like a kid" a lot, which is probably common to many folks. But I also seem to get even more introspective when I'm not feeling well than I usually am(which is a lot to begin with), and this sometimes intensifies or magnifies my depression. Either that's what's been going on the past few days, or my anti-depressant drug isn't working like it should. Then again, I didn't take it some days last weekend, since I was running short of it and didn't want to pay for a refill just yet, so I'm sure that didn't help either.

I've been bored a lot lately. Sometimes I think my life's just filler between watching baseball games. I realize that sounds like a very depressing statement, but it's something I've been feeling or thinking about("Is my life really like this?") some lately.

I've been having a lot more desire to pray and/or read the Bible lately. Which I know is a good thing and prolly the result of and answer to prayers by various folks. The problem is that the increased desire to do these things hasn't resulted in my DOING them any yet.

When I think about how simple prayer/praying can be, it sounds really silly to say that you've had more of a desire to do it(more often), but you haven't yet gone ahead and DONE it. I mean, praying is often as simple or easy as thinking. You don't need to have anything with you, you don't need to be any particular place, etc. It's even simpler than Bible reading, cuz you need to have a Bible(or portion thereof) with you to do that.

I wonder why I feel more of a "compulsion" to do a blog entry each day or so than I do to pray or read the Bible as often? I mean, I might not always be able to think about things to blog about, but I _can_ always think of things to pray about. Maybe I should "force" myself to pray and/or read some before my next entry here, just to "make sure" it/they happen? I don't know, but it's something I thought of, so I put it here.

Things are improving marriagewise. Slowly, but surely, and also encouragingly.

Things are also improving churchwise. I'm not sure, but I don't think we'll be going elsewhere. I'm not even sure if we'll be visiting other churches at this time, tho we haven't really talked about any of this stuff for almost 2 weeks.

As for whether we'll put joining our current church "on hold" or not, I don't know that either. I can see where we might not, which I couldn't before, but I still don't know if we will or not. Mostly cuz we haven't talked about any of this recently.

We signed up with one of those debt management companies about 6 weeks ago and I'm really glad we did. Katrina's glad and relieved about it as well. I think we both wish we'd done this sooner, but at least we DID it!

I keep thinking of stuff to write, then thinking "Who'd want to read(about) that?". I wonder if other bloggers have thoughts like that? Is there such a thing as "Bloggers Block"? ;)

I have a friend who's a missionary in India. If you're reading this and you want to or feel lead to, please pray for him, his family, and his ministry. And, while you're at it, please pray for another friend of mine, here in the States, who's pregnant and it's been a very difficult/risky pregnancy so far. And you can also pray for my dad and my relationship with him. We're on good terms and I've no reason to expect that'll change anytime soon, but things are a bit strained at times.


At 1:11 PM, Blogger Don Liles said...

Jeff, any time you start feeling like you can't pray, just talk to God. Sure He knows your heart and thoughts anyway, but your savior wants to be your friend that you can share with. Thank God our prayers don't have to be the sort written down by monks or early Christians. Although I did have an interesting challenge once from a classmate, who preached on Romans 16, then challenged each of us to write our own version.

I truly think that the enemy is very glad to distract us from prayer, with anything really. see the Screwtape Letters for a good possible interaction on that.

At 2:34 PM, Blogger Jeff D said...

Oh, I never feel like I "can't" pray, at least not in the sense of an inability to do it or some type of restriction from(or lack of permission to do) it, I just DON'T do it as often as I'd like to. And, yes, I know that NO Christian prays as often as they'd like to, I just think my frequency is exceptionally low; borderline non-existent at times, perhaps even most of the time. That's getting better, but slowly.

And I understand what you say about it not having to be anything eloquent, structured, or formal. That does get in the way sometimes, as there's always that tendency to feel like I have to follow some type of pattern(the infamous "ACTS" acronym or some other sequence of prayer types) and can't or "shouldn't" just "wing it". I resist that as much and as often as I can tho.

Thanks for referencing The Screwtape Letters. It's one of MANY Christian books that I've bought or been given but never read, or at least never finished(and any that I have completely read were read so long ago that reading them again prolly wouldn't hurt).

So, I think I'll make The Screwtape Letters the first book I read in '04! Thanks again for the reference.


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