An Entry Without A Title

I can't believe how difficult it usually is for me to come up with titles for my blog entries. It's often so hard that it's sometimes what stops me from doing one at all.

Maybe part of the problem is that I never know(all of) what I'm going to write about in a given entry till it's done. So, we'll see if any titles for this one have come to me by the end of it.

There are at least 2 other things that are hindering me from doing entries more often than I have of late. It seems strange that either of them are related to the frequency of my entries, but I think they both are.

One is the fact that most of the people who's blogs I read haven't done entries in awhile either. Some haven't done entries in about 2 weeks, and at least one's gone a month since their last entry. Again, one wouldn't think that'd affect my entry frequency, but I think it has, albeit probably only slightly.

The other is the fact that most of my recent entries have NO comments to them. It's been a LONG time and QUITE a few entries since any of my blog entries got even ONE comment. As much as I don't mind writing to myself, and as much as I've always figured I was mostly doing this for myself, I think that still discourages me some, thus I'm less motivated to do other entries or as many/frequent entries as I might otherwise do.

Kat went back to work from her thumb injury last Tuesday. But then, on Thursday, she had a seizure at work!

She's had seizures before, as after-effects of and complications from a very serious car accident she was in during HS. But her last seizure, before this one, was way back in '86; 18 years ago!

She went to see our Dr last Friday, but they can't get her an appt. for an MRI till next Friday! And she couldn't get an appt. with a neurologist till this Saturday(!), and the first neurologist she called didn't have any available appts. till November 23rd!

This all really seems ridiculous; these long waits for VERY important tests & appointments! She's gone thru similar stuff with her cardiological appts and tests. It seems that the more important or critical a given appt or test is, the LONGER they make you wait for it. But if you want something trivial, like a hair or breast implant or something related to a sexual disfunction, "Of course, right away!":(

So, she's out of work again, this time till next Tuesday. Thank God(again) for short-term disability & accident insurance. It doesn't come close to giving us the funds we'd normally have from her working(and the disparity's getting more and more obvious the longer this all drags on), but even 50% is better than ZERO!

But, in a way, the seizure's timing worked out. Cuz as much as we don't like her being out of work twice in such a short span, her being out this past weekend allowed her to attend both days of the Friday night/Saturday morning marriage seminar we'd registered for this past weekend. And I really think that's a GOOD thing, cuz it was an EXCELLENT conference, and I'm SURE she got a LOT more out of it by actually BEING AT both sessions, rather than having to rely on my notes and/or a tape or video of Saturdays' part(She was origionally scheduled to work this past Saturday).

Again, it was an EXCELLENT conference. It was by a guy named Dr Jim Leary and was titled something like "Marriage & Family Defense Seminar". If you're married(or ever get married), I highly recommend this conference. It's good for all, your marriage doesn't have to be in any type of "crisis" for it to help you, and learning and applying what's in it could very easily help you PREVENT a future crisis(or more than one?).

Sheer Curiosity

I'm "assuming" that most(if not all) of the readers of this are adult Christians. So, I'd like to ask you all some questions:

A) What are your convictions about drinking(alcohol)? Is it always sinful for a Christian? OK in some circumstances for some Christians? OK for all, as long as you don't get drunk? Or "other"?

B) What are your convictions about gambling? I'm NOT talking about compulsive gambling or gambling to an addictive level. But if someone or a couple have, say, $200-300 of _discretionary_ spending(the bills are already paid, the kids are clothed, there's food in the cupboard & fridge, etc.), is there any significant "moral" or ethical difference between taking that $ to Atlantic City and taking it to a Flyers game(or concert, etc.)?

I already know how I feel and what I believe about both of these issues(and I had others to ask about, but I can't remember them right now). So, I'm not asking for input cuz I'm considering or struggling with either of them. I'm mostly just asking out of curiosity; to see what other Christians think, see what the ratios/percentages I get for the various viewpoints are, etc.

This should be interesting. Of course, the more responses I get, the more interesting this'll be. So, please, comment away!

God's Got It Covered

It's often quite amazing(and humbling) to see God at work in our lives, covering for things yet in our future that we - of course - can't see yet, or see in time to cover for ourselves. Such has been the case with Katrina having cut her thumb(bad enough to go to the ER and get 8 stitches) 3 Saturdays ago and, thus, being out from work for 2 weeks(she cut it on 9/25 and just went back to work today). There are SO MANY ways in which God "set things up" to "cover(for)" us on this! It goes way beyond the short-term disability coverage and accident insurance we have. He even "covered(for)" us in ways we didn't end up needing, or using. But it's still neat!

Our meeting with Pastor Randy went ok this past Sunday. Maybe not as well as I'd've liked it to go, and not at all like I expected it to go beforehand, but still ok, good, positive, encouraging, etc. I'm sure we'll have another one(s), I'm just not sure when yet. Prolly this next Sunday.

He recommended an upcoming "marriage conference" to us at our first meeting with him. He knows the main speaker and really thinks highly of him, so we're going. It's this weekend; Friday night and Saturday morning.

Kat has to work Saturday, but we'll both go Friday night. I'll take notes on Saturday, or maybe they'll have tapes of the sessions. Plus we'll still get the materials from the conference and we might even meet some more area couples on Friday night, who knows?

I finally got into reading "The Screwtape Letters" the other day. It's intense reading that's not your usual "reading for relaxation" at all(!), but it's very well-written, very enjoyable, and very informative & educational as well! I now see why so many people like his writing, as well as why so many people think it's his best work.

I'm almost disappointed that I started with his "best", cuz the reading I've done so far definitely makes me want to read more of his stuff, and I don't like thinking that I read the best one first, lol. I'm sure that most of the others "measure up" tho.

I've read about 10-12 chapters(or "letters") so far. Early on, I realized that C.S. & I have a significant difference in our theology. It's not one that made me want to stop reading(not at all!) and I'm sure that he & I are both Christians, but it's something to keep in mind as I read; taking everything I take in in that "context". I've done this before, with many other authors and speakers, so it's nothing new to me.

Rebekah continues to be a blessing. She's not really talking yet, even tho she'll be 2 in January. I'm not worried about that - I know that each kid develops and learns at their own rate and I'm not committed to any "scale" or "average", but I am a bit concerned about it. I'm hoping that an increased amount of(time spent in) interaction with her - from both me & Kat - will help her in this area.

On The Lighter Side

As anyone who knows me well(and many folks who don't know me all that well) already knows, I'm majorly into baseball. I have my favorite(and anti-favorite) teams, but I'll pretty much watch any game I can get on TV, listen to any game I can get on the radio(if there's none on TV right then), and I even $ub$cribed to MLBTV this season too.

Well, the playoffs start on Tuesday. "My" Phillies didn't make it, but "my" Red Sox did. I've got other teams I root for and follow, to a lesser degree than the Phils and Bosox, and at least one of them made it into this year's playoffs as well; the Astros. So, I'll be busilly watching all the various games of all the various series, starting on Tuesday.

Of course, that's also the case in years in which NONE of "my" teams make it in; I'm THAT much of a fan. I often describe myself as "A fan of the sport of baseball first, my teams second". I like to think that all "true fans" are that way. I hope that's not(and/or doesn't sound) too conceited? ;)

Of course, I'm also looking forward to the offseason, cuz I often think I invest too much time, effort, and priority in baseball and baseball-related stuff. This is going to be a particularly interesting offseason, due to the NHL strike, since hockey and the occasional bowling show are pretty much the ONLY other sports I ever watch on TV, so I'll have an exceptionally and unusually large amount of "uncomittted/undesignated" time on my hands. I have ideas about how I want to, need to, and/or "should" spend it. It'll be interesting to see how I actually DO spend it.

Catching Up

It's been about 3 weeks since my last entry. Almost a month. Way too long.

Sometimes I don't do entries or write about stuff cuz I can't think of anything to write about - or at least not anything that's "blog-worthy". Or I don't write about stuff cuz the stuff on my mind right then's too personal, too revealing, or too one-sided. But, surprisingly often, I don't do or start a blog entry cuz I can't think of a title.

A lot's happened since the last entry, including another trip up to my parent's house for a weekend. It was origionally supposed to be a(3-day, Sat-Mon) weekend, but Katrina cut her finger bad enough for a trip to the ER and 8 stitches(3 on the inside, 5 on the out) the Saturday night we were up there, so, since she wasn't gonna be returning to work that next Tuesday, we stayed up there till Wednesday morning(this past Wednesday). She was origionally supposed to get the stitches out this past Saturday, but she went to the doctors on Saturday only to learn that the cut's infected, so the stitches are still in. She's also still out of work, till at least this next Wednesday.

Overall, this trip home went much better than the last one, at least in terms of things between my dad and me. We only had one unpleasant/awkward discussion this time, which is major progress over last time. That one discussion was enough to really convince me that he's thoroughly unsaved as well as thoroughly disinterested in receiving anything that might point or lead him in the direction of salvation. Or, to put it more "Biblically", he definitely does NOT have "ears to hear". I'm no Calvinist, nor is my(concept of) "God in a box", but if it's possible for anyone to be beyond/outside the saving Grace of God, he's the closest of anyone I know!

I don't mean to be sarcastic or snide or smug here, but it's even got me seeing the Grace of God as being not only active in, but THE(main, if not sole) REASON why my dad was so detached from me and my life when I was growing up(as well as since then, but especially then). While growing up(as well as since), I basically had a "father", but NOT a "dad", and I've always resented this fact and always had a rather difficult time in seeing God or grace or anything positive or benevolent(etc.) in the father I ended up with and/or our "Living Years/Dead Poet's Society" relationship(if you can call it that?) . And I've suffered from the scars of that, and know and see much evidence that I continue to. Perhaps I always will, I don't know.

But now, as much as his detachment from and lack of involvement in(or support of) my life has always harmed and bugged me, I'm(also) beginning to see God's hand in it. My father's so self-righteously calloused when it comes to genuinely Spiritual things - and so convinced that he doesn't need them and/or he's right and they're wrong, etc. - that - at least in some/many ways - I'm genuinely and sincerely glad that he _wasn't_ any more involved in or any more of an impact or shaping element on my childhood than he was. I know that sounds cruel, or even "rationalizational" and/or defensive. But it's also the truth, whatever else it is, says, or means.

Of course, I also know that, even here, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree". Which is another way of saying that even tho I'm saved, know I'm saved, put Scripture and the Genuine Trinity above and before his would-be trinity of science, education, and money, I still have those same strong self-righteous, prideful tendencies. I know I have some of the same - or at least very similar - struggles with being as dependent on and/or yielded to God as I should and need to be. I know that's a strong factor in my lack of consistent "spiritual disciplines", as well as in many other areas of my spiritual(and "secular") life. So that's something to work on and a very useful insight.

Rebekah continues to grow and to change almost as fast. All partiality aside, she's truely an amazing kid, and in far more than one way. I'm learning so much from her - about life, about God, about our relationship with Him, about myself, etc. As her personality develops and blossoms, I'm getting to know her better and better. And I feel truely honored and blessed by that priviledge.

Things in our domestic/marital life are also improving - albeit verrry gradually, slowly, and in "fits and starts" rather than anything linear or without downturns. We had a meeting with our pastor, Randy, last week. In and of itself, it was very unsatisfying/unsatisfactory - mostly cuz Kat's "tune" changed _radically_ (from what it was during the meeting) the minute we got home, but I'm still optimistic(and still trying to keep a "the jury's still out" open mind) about where this initial meeting could lead. We have another one scheduled for after church next Sunday. So that's, hopefully, something good and definitely something to keep in prayer.

My personal spiritual life is also improving, in similarly verrry gradual, slow, non-linear fashion. As much as I know that satan's gonna increase the frequency and severity of his attacks as I prioritize and get more proactive about my desires and efforts to grow spiritually and closer to God(and more like Him, etc.), and as much as I know that marriage is one of his "favorite" ways and places to attack married folks, I'm also encouraged cuz I see positive changes in my reactions and responses to and attitudes about those attacks. It's not always perfect, and I don't always follow thru on my "better" thoughts and/or desires, but my reactions and responses and attitudes definitely _are_ improving.

I'm also learning a lot in and thru my/our marital struggles. About life, about people and relationships, about God, about myself, etc. Of course, the "trick" is in APPLYING what we've learned(or think we've learned) from this/them - or anything else. But at least I'm seeing stuff to apply, even tho I'm sure I don't always apply it or apply it as well or as quickly or as thoroughly as I "should" or could or hopefully will grow into doing(more consistently) in the future.

This is yet another blog entry that's turned out considerably differently than I expected it to when I thought about what I might write(and/or how I might phrase it) before I started. That seems to happen a lot. Which makes me glad that this is a cyber-journal, rather than one on traditional paper, cuz cyber ones are so much easier to delete stuff from and/or otherwise edit. I don't know if I'll edit this one yet, or how much, but at least doing it'll be easier this way if I do than it would be with a "regular" journal.