Monday, September 26, 2005

Insomniacal Musings

I woke up sometime between 4-4:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. Maybe partly cuz I couldn't get things at a comfortable temp, I don't know. But here it is, 6:15, and I'm still awake.

I hate it when I wake up and can't get back to sleep. I don't know anyone who likes having this happen to them, of course, but one of the worst things about it is having all this energy(and, apparently, the time as well) to do things, being able to think of several things to do, but not being able to do them cuz you don't want to wake others with noise, excessive/direct light, etc. Then, later, when you could make the noise or turn on the light and actually get stuff done, you're usually too tired. Gee, I wonder why? ;)

Sarah's still doing quite well. All the doctors we've taken her to so far are extremely pleased by her progress. It's almost as though she's so far ahead of what they might have expected of her that she's no longer considered a premie. Of course, none of them say anything close to that, but they all seem pleased and, from what we know to look for(Kat's being an RN makes this a better list than it would otherwise be), we are too.

Becky's doing ok, adjusting to having a sister. I think she's doing better than ok, overall, but I don't really know what to expect or look for, so who's to say? It's difficult for her, but at least she never seems to take any of the confusion or frustration out on Sarah. She definitely loves her sister, that's quite clear. She'll usually even admit it if you ask her too, which isn't always the case if you ask her if she loves Kat or me(among others).

Sarah's dedication(is that supposed to be capitalized?) is now set for October 9th. Danae's been nice enough to let us pick out all the songs for the service, and she's also got the church helping out with the luncheon after it. That's especially nice and appreciated, since funds are getting somewhat tight as we near the end of Kat's 2-month maternity leave.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about Bill. About his life, his testimony, his passing, etc. I'm not obsessed with it, but there's a lot there to think about and be convicted and/or motivated by.

Among other things, if I had to sum up his life in one word, he was a servant. Of and to all, freely, proactively, and without any guilt-trips, obligations, or "strings". I don't think I know anyone else who's life(or personality, etc.) I can accurately sum up with that word, and I know it describes too little of mine.

It was also interesting to watch his memorial service(online). They had folks from church, members of his extended family, and co-workers of his from the school give remarks. There wasn't anything any of them said that was inconsistent with something someone else(from another facet of his life) had said, that any of the others would disagree with, or that came as a surprise to anyone else. He truely was the same person in each facet of his life; everyone who knew him - regardless of how they knew him or where they knew him from - knew the same person. Regardless of what type of person they are, I don't know many other people I can say that about.

It's also convicting for other reasons. I mean, how easy is it for me, at 42, to say "Once I'm 50, I'll join AARP(and start enjoying the discounts)". Well, Bill never made it to 50. And none of us is promised that we will either. We're not even promised tomorrow, or our next breath.

We know this, of course. But we still make subconscious plans, and/or live, act, and talk as though we will make it; as though it is guaranteed. We need reminders like this one that that's not the case. At least I know I certainly do.

On a lighter and far more trivial subject, the Phils are but one game out of the NLWC lead this morning. They've also still got an outside shot at the NLE title, but the Braves' magic number is 2, so I doubt that happens. I have my doubts about the NLWC too, but I did get 2 tix to Game 1/4 of the NLDS if they get there, so if they make it, Becky & I'll be there!

I've also come to realize that baseball's too important to me. If my life is a pizza, it's too big of a slice. If my life is a jar of rocks, it's too big of a rock. Etc. I don't think I need to completely give it up, but I do think I need to modify it considerably. This is definitely something I need to work on in the offseason; reorienting my life so that when baseball returns in the Spring, it doesn't take up nearly as much of my time, energy, thoughts, etc. as it has in the past. I've already got a few specific ideas about what to change, add, etc.

Mom & Dad signed a lease agreement at an Assisted Living place in Chambersburg, so they'll be moving between now and Christmas. We hope to get up there at least one more time, but we're not sure when or if yet.

It's not really strange to think about them not being in EB any longer; we've had plenty of time to know this was coming and to think about and adjust to it. It is kind of weird to think about another family living in that house, tho we won't be up there to know much about it or them. Somehow, another family living there is a stranger thought than the thought of them/us no longer living there or living elsewhere.

But what's really strange is to realize that Becky won't remember that house. Won't remember the toy corner. Won't remember the park by the library, with the fountain in the lake you walk around. Won't remember any of it. That's really something. I'm glad we have pix of her there and at the lake.


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